One year ago today, my family was gathered to say good bye to our beloved brother, son and husband, Steve. It was to be the end of his suffering after a hard fought 20 year battle with Leukemia. This once vibrant, strong, proud man lay in the hospital bed, frail and weak, just a shadow of what he once was. It was a difficult sight for all to see. We held hands, sang, laughed and cried. One by one we sat with him and read scripture or just sat quietly enjoying each other’s company. Love hung thick in the air, as if to smother death from our thoughts. Pictures were snapped and shared. Precious moments we all wanted to hold onto forever. One last picture of us 4 boys together…one last picture of Steve and his 2 son’s and 1 grandson, perhaps the only photo of them all together that exists! One last family photo… Bittersweet moments in time that would never be forgotten.

A mother’s loss

They sat silently holding hands, no words exchanging. Only the whooshing sound of the oxygen being pumped in and out of his frail form broke the silence. There sat a mother and her son in his final hours. The tears that fell from her cheeks were a mixture of sadness that her flesh and blood was leaving this earth, and joy that he was going home to his maker and would suffer no more.

I too sat in this silence, speechless. The tears falling from my cheeks were for my mother losing her son…my brother. I tried to wrap my brain around what that must feel like. My own feelings of impending loss were devastating, but for a mother…to lose a son…unimaginable, incomparable.

I don’t know how long we sat there in the silence, each engrossed in our own thoughts which were undeniably inter connected on some other level that had no care for time or place. It could have been ten minutes or two hours; either would have felt the same. One of the most memorable moments I shall never forget.