Let me level with you. Staying positive while battling a life threatening disease is very difficult at times. Shocker, right? A positive mental attitude is just as important as the medications I take to fight this battle. I know it is paramount to my healing to stay positive! Despite my best efforts, there are days when I wake up and my body is aching and my head is in a fog. Just moving around the house to start my day seems to take most of my energy and I find myself thinking “So this is what it feels like to die”.
I have always been a very active person so the need to slow down and pace myself is new to me. I know it won’t always be this way. There will be a day when I am in full remission and my strength and endurance will rebound. Until then, I need to be patient (another area of personal growth I need to work on). Do you know that feeling you get when you know you’re coming down with the flu and you are going to vomit? Then you usually feel better after? I am having a lot of days lately where I feel just like that. Sitting around the house is not my style. I like to go to see a hockey game, a gallery exhibit, the Symphony or even dinner out with some friends. Lately it seems that every time I do, I feel like crap for the next few days. It becomes taxing on me physically and mentally.
There will always be obstacles and hurdles to navigate. I will have sick days and perhaps some setbacks. My focus needs to be on my blessings and my faith in that, this too, shall pass. I liken my life to an ice berg: What is easily seen is the small part above the surface (problems, struggles) but below lays the plethora of blessings! Having blind faith is like putting on the goggles and diving under the surface to study the massive collection of blessings. I think too often I try to flip it over so it’s more convenient or easily viewed.
One obstacle that I am working on eliminating from my life is regret. Being true to me and who I am is the first step. Being true and honest with others goes along with that. Once I set my mind to these tasks, I found it got easier each time the opportunity arose. The relief I felt was immediate and rewarding! Sometimes though, I know being honest to someone might hurt their feelings initially, but I have to think that long term they would find it, eventually, a relief. I have severed friendships that I knew didn’t serve me well. I’m sure you know the kind? One sided, Negative, egotistical people that always have one up on you. No matter WHAT issue you had, theirs was worse…Toxic friendships like this drag you down and don’t allow you to be true to who you are. Don’t waste time and energy on toxic relationships.
I have a mental list of things I want to do, places I want to see, etc. These too can become regrets the longer I put them off. My new policy is to keep the list short and reasonable, yet challenging enough to keep me motivated. But the hardest and most damaging regrets to move past are the ones from years past. Mistakes I have made, bad choices at times when I ignored that “little voice” in my soul. To get past these is a must! It takes forgiving myself and then letting go, giving them to God. I’m not very good at this but personal growth is necessary! My goal is to remove all things toxic to my mind, body and soul!