Sometimes I know it would be easy to entertain thoughts of being ‘broken’ or ‘damaged goods’. When I am struggling, I sometimes think that my wife isn’t so lucky. She got a husband who is ‘damaged’ and one she could potentially very easily outlive. I know with medications, I will be able to keep Leukemia in remission, but with a very high price tag! Like buying-a-good-used-car-a-MONTH for the rest of my life price tag! This can terrify me! I find it difficult to talk to my wife about these feelings, but when I do open up, she always amazes me with her response and I feel better about getting it out of me. She is a true and full partner in this. Negative thoughts are poison to my soul and damaging to my relationships. As the title of our blog page states, this is a journey through cancer not ‘with’ cancer!
Yes, cancer has made my life a difficult path to walk. Fear plays hell with my brain daily and sometimes, things tend to snowball if I let them. Some days are dark and fear wins most of my thoughts. But my goal is to stay positive and put a positive focus on what Cancer has to teach me, but this blog is about the whole journey. I am going to be real with you which will be raw at times. If you or a loved one has Cancer, my hope is that you will find comfort in reading this and find inspiration to keep your focus on the positive little pearls of wisdom that can only be found on a journey such as this. Cancer is more of a mental and emotional battle then it is a physical one. I know people have physically beaten cancer, but mentally and emotionally still struggle. Weather I physically beat leukemia or not, I WILL NOT let it beat me mentally/emotionally! I know the important role that my wife, family and friends play in this too. Surround yourself with good, loving, supportive, positive people and when it gets really dark, just focus on doing ‘the next thing’ and don’t worry about the next day, week, month, year. This is your time to receive grace and love. Be open, be honest and receive.