Sometimes I know it would be easy to entertain thoughts of being ‘broken’ or ‘damaged goods’. When I am struggling, I sometimes think that my wife isn’t so lucky. She got a husband who is ‘damaged’ and one she could potentially very easily outlive. I know with medications, I will be able to keep Leukemia in remission, but with a very high price tag! Like buying-a-good-used-car-a-MONTH for the rest of my life price tag! This can terrify me! I find it difficult to talk to my wife about these feelings, but when I do open up, she always amazes me with her response and I feel better about getting it out of me. She is a true and full partner in this. Negative thoughts are poison to my soul and damaging to my relationships. As the title of our blog page states, this is a journey through cancer not ‘with’ cancer!
Yes, cancer has made my life a difficult path to walk. Fear plays hell with my brain daily and sometimes, things tend to snowball if I let them. Some days are dark and fear wins most of my thoughts. But my goal is to stay positive and put a positive focus on what Cancer has to teach me, but this blog is about the whole journey. I am going to be real with you which will be raw at times. If you or a loved one has Cancer, my hope is that you will find comfort in reading this and find inspiration to keep your focus on the positive little pearls of wisdom that can only be found on a journey such as this. Cancer is more of a mental and emotional battle then it is a physical one. I know people have physically beaten cancer, but mentally and emotionally still struggle. Weather I physically beat leukemia or not, I WILL NOT let it beat me mentally/emotionally! I know the important role that my wife, family and friends play in this too. Surround yourself with good, loving, supportive, positive people and when it gets really dark, just focus on doing ‘the next thing’ and don’t worry about the next day, week, month, year. This is your time to receive grace and love. Be open, be honest and receive.
ourjourneythroughcancer 
Stephen R. Payne
Thanks for continuing to share difficult, deeply personal thoughts, Pete. It is helpful to those of us dealing with other broken places in our lives – not cancer, not life-threatening for the most part, but still raw, bruised, broken places which affect every moment of our lives.
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peteandheather
That is my hope and the very reason I felt called to share (even if it is very difficult at times). Thanks for the feed back Stephen!
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missy lalonde
Truly an amazing couple. So happy you found one another and I so believe you were brought together for a reason. You complete one another. Thinking of you as you go through this difficult time but know you will get through it because you have each other!
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peteandheather
Thank you Missy!! Every day we wake up with gratitude that we have been so richly blessed to have been brought together. I have no doubt that even in this trial we were meant to travel it hand in hand. Together we will get through everything!!!
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leslie
feeling uplifted…. somehow, by reading this. we are all connected, this I know. maybe you are energizing us? keep writing please. love les
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peteandheather
Thank you les! It is our hope & prayer to offer something positive in the face of adversity! All our energy is connected for sure! We will keep writing & sharing!!
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Nancy Doherty
“The world breaks everyone, then afterwards, some are strong at the broken places” Ernest Hemingway
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your strength. Very powerful
Love.
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peteandheather
Thank you Nancy! Very fitting quote! Love is all there really is and is all that matters!!! xo
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Kath
Well said!
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peteandheather
Thank you!
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Patti Jane
Pete, I loved the last two lines of your thoughts in”Broken.” They reminded me something I heard a few years back. Personally reflecting on being broken, and we all have loose or missing pieces, cracks, lumps, bumps,dings, faded paint and the like…some even spare parts! But that heap of flesh and bones is what makes us perfect in God’s eyes…. like a wedding cake, if it isnt broken into pieces and shared it is just a pretty thing to look at. Not really having its full impact on the lives meant to share in its goodness. We are like that too… our inmer light shines brighter through the cracks and broken bits, and the world is less dark for it. Our needs give others opportunities to share their goodness and gifts. And best of all we get to know the fullness of what true love really is and means. So, brokenness is as you sai, a grace that comes and finds a home in the rawness of life. It is the seed of faith and the water of hope. It is the rock of trust. We just need to be a cracked or busted enough to give it a way in. Like the flower that grows from a rock… grace makes everything beautiful, no matter how hard or broken it is. Love you!
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peteandheather
Thanks Pj! Wow, you really get it! Guess you can’t get to be our age and not have weathered a few storms along the way. Thank you for your kind words and the abundant prayers! Love you! xoxo
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